“My First Barbie”

“My First Barbie,” 8x10in, Colored Pencil on Toned Paper, 2025

play: to engage in an activity for the sole purpose of enjoyment and without the concern for practicality.

I remember watching my mom unfold her childhood dollhouse from the sixties to place alongside my own, forty years between the two, to play Barbies with me. I liked looking at the differences between the classic Barbies to the new Barbies: their painted eyes, the color palette for their makeup, their soft smiles. The handmade doll clothing my mom had sewed decades ago contrasted even more to my Barbie’s store bought closet, but I liked that she made them. I was impressed with our Barbie collection and felt so happy to play Barbies together. 

Playing Barbies made me feel free and creative, a true act of play. Choosing an outfit for each Barbie and who she would be that day created a sense of autonomy and decision making that was free of perception. This turned out to be practice for the real world, where fashion fluctuates between frivolous and fun.

I am now in my late twenties, and it has solidified to me that adults are typically uncomfortable with play. Play is numbed into a practicality that transforms into people pleasing, as we learn to prioritize the opinions of others above our own. But fashion is designed to be playful. If it’s playful, the pressure of appearance is lifted. And, we must admit there is structure to play; playing dress up, like playing with Barbies, gives us a sense of control in our decision making that we need practice at if it will be utilized in other parts of our lives.  

My mom recently showed me the hats she wore in her twenties and thirties. I watched her as she tried on different hats, looking happy and content, smiling at me. I snapped a couple of photos of her with my phone, thinking she looked cute — like the girl who used to dress up in them. 

I drew on pink paper to ensure the final artwork felt feminine, and I selected colored pencils because they were a traditional childhood medium of mine. As I worked, I kept thinking about the Barbie logo, her doll set, playing dolls and dress up. I used a fully pink palette as an ode to that. 

As my mother tried hats on, a real life Barbie was in front of me; it felt as if I was little and we were playing. This drawing is dedicated to the feeling of playing dolls and dress up with my mom.